Bonjour, pourrai-je avoir une correction svp merci :)
Geography
: « India is a developed country »




Introduction
:






The fifth November 2013, India
launched his first rocket to Mars. Thanks to this event, the world
realize that India is not a poor country, but one of the top ten
world economies.




Texte
:






yes:

Firstly,
India is currently the fourth world power and will be the third
before 2020. There has been a considerable increase in the life
expectancy of these last thirty years. In 1950, an Indian did not
live up to 42 years, whereas now, he lives up to 67 years. This
inflation is due to the improvement of living conditions of India.


Its gross domestic product is
constantly increasing. It increased from $ 2,900 in 2008 to $ 3,700
in 2011. For some time, the Indians have better access to drinking
water, which is vital for the life of Indians.






Secondly, India has varied
industries, it is the fourth largest producer agricol, and it
develops in IT, telephony and insurance. However, the main sources of
income are based on the mining, textile and automotive industries.


India has made massive progress
in modern technologies. In two thousand and seven, seven million
people had an internet access instead of sixty one million in two
thousand and twelve, moreover now, 69% of Indians had a mobile phone
in two thousand and twelve.


India is part of the BRICS.
BRICS is an acronym for a group of five countries which are Brazil,
Russia, India, China and South Africa which are the five powers
emergent.






And finally, the Constitution of
India guarantees equality between men and women, equal pay and
discrimination abcense. In recent years, the empowerment of women has
reduced the fertility rate from six children in 1960 to two point six
in 2012.


One the other hand, the image of
India has become better these last years thanks to the Indian press
and the Bollywood cinema who show us, a modern image and an affluent
population.






In this way, India is a
developing country because it is undergoing a transition between the
traditional way of life to the modern lifestyle.









No


Howecer,India is a very
paradoxical and very unequal country.






One the one hand, it has a big
difference entered cities and campaigns. The benefits of growth only
benefits a minority of the population who inhabit in city, the rich
get richer while the poor are starving. While cities are growing,
campaigns are very poor. Seventy-five percent of villages do not have
access to water and basic health care, in addition, there is an
increase in suicide among farmers.






One the other hand, according to
a survey by Thomson Reuters, the condition of Indian women is one of
the most difficult thing in the world. This discrimination is
anchored in tradition and is due to lack of education. The UN found
that 70% of women are beaten or raped and that 47% of women are
married before their eighteen.


Similarly, there are "social
classes" in India. Two people of a different class can not marry
and sometimes can not even talk or touch. These classes clearly show,
that despite considerable efforts by the government, some traditions
are not yet ready to change.






At last, poverty in India is
extreme.


India can not be a developed
country, because its human development index is below that of
developed countries. India is 134th out of 187 countries. HDI is
considered medium, where as, developing countries have all a high or
very high HDI. The HDI is based on three major criteria: life
expectancy at birth, level of education, and standard of living.
Despite of a Esperence living constantly rising, it is still more
than ten years less than in France. The level of education is low,
there are 350 million illiterate, which currently reprensente, 29% of
the popuation. In France, for example, only 7% of the population is
illiterate.


The third criteria is based on
the standard of living. 50% of children are undernourished and 43%
are in underweight and 150 million people have no access to drinking
water and 29% of the population lived in slums in 2009. Moreover,
there are only 0.7 doctor per 1,000 inhabitants.






The India is not a developed
country because the majority of the population has no access to basic
needs, education and some comfort. In addition, India is still a
country too unequal.





Conclusion
:






As emmergent countries, India
has made considerable progress on the economic front with the
increase and diversification of its production, and technological
innovations. Socially with ammelioration of the image and the statu
of women, and laws to protect children. However, this development
affects only a small part of the 1.2 billion people, which is
insufficient to describe India as a developed country.
 

Répondre :

The fifth of november 2013 From six childrens C'est mieux d'ecrire isn't, don't,aren't,haven't Voilaa :)
C'est pas mal du tout mais tu as fait quelques petites fautes (les corrections sont soulignées ou alors je te mets la phrase adéquate # = commentaires)

Introduction

The fifht of November 2013.
Une autre forme est possible (plus américaine) : November 5 (th), 2013. Mais je te conseille la première forme.

The world realised : c'est du prétérit, l'action s'est terminée.

Texte

Life expectancy has increased in the last thirty years. #utilise cette forme, ça sonne mieux.

This improvement is due to better living conditions in India. #inflation est un terme économique pour dire augmentation des prix.

For some years, Indians have had better access  ... # "for some time" c'est trop vague je te conseille plutôt cette forme. Il faut que tu utilises le present perfect car l'action a commencé il y a quelques années et continue jusqu'à maintenant. tu peux aussi écrire :
"For some years, Indian authorities have been improving the access to drinkable water"
#ici j'ai utilisé le present perfect continue (Have + Been + Verbe-ING) pour dire que l'action va continuer encore

the fourth largest producer of agricultural products, and one of the most attractive outsourcing hub for IT, telephony and insurance business.
==> outsourcing c'est quand les entreprises sous-traitent à l'étranger, je pense que c'est ce que tu voulais dire.

BRICS is an acronym for a group of five countries : Brazil,
Russia, India, China and South Africa which are the five emerging powers.


the Indian press and the Bollywood cinema which show us #who c'est pour les personnes ;)

India is a developping country because it is experiencing a transition between the
traditional way of life to the modern lifestyle.


NO

One the one hand, there is a big
difference between cities and the countryside.


Only a minority of the population living the cities take advantage of the economical growth. The Rich are getting richer...

47% of women are married under eighteen.











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